“I’m sorry. What did you just say?”
I couldn’t possibly be hearing her correctly. I’ll hear her more clearly this time.
“We need you to come in for some additional testing to follow-up your mammogram.”
OK. My peaceful day of relaxation came to an abrupt halt. Instead of playing the piano, working on some worship music, I was looking at my calendar and making plans.
Monday came. I went to my appointment. After one set of films, the lady said,” The radiologist would like you to have an ultrasound.” Ok. After the ultrasound, I sat in a small area and waited. All alone. Then the lady came back. “The radiologist still is unsure about what he’s seeing on the films. He would like you to come back for a stereotactic biopsy. Come with me and I’ll show you the room.”
Wait. He wants me to do what? I’ve never even heard of whatever it is that you just said. I was led into another examining room. There was a table with an odd hole in the middle of it. The lady told me that I will lay on this table with my breast in this hole and then a needle will be inserted into my breast to obtain a sample. Did I just hear her say a needle? What is happening?
An appointment was set up for Wednesday early. I left the office and sat in my car. They want to do more tests. I thought this was just a simple re-check. I needed to call my husband. Unfortunately, he was across the country on a mission trip. But I called him anyway. This can’t be happening. My man needs to be here. I can’t do this without him. I knew he was upset to be so far away from me, especially at a time when I really needed him. I went home, talked with my boys, and headed to my room.
What do I do now, Lord? I’m scared, really scared. How do I do this without my husband here? How can I do this? All I could focus on was the fact that he wasn’t here. Yes, he was on a mission trip, doing God’s work, but I needed him here. I spent the afternoon trying to pull myself together, and talk with people as little as possible—my voice had this funny way of cracking and tears mysteriously kept coming to my eyes. It was better if I stayed to myself.
That evening, I finally got real with God. I cried, I whined, I fussed. I put everything, all my fears, frustrations, everything out on the table. Do you know what I heard? Philippians 4: 6-7: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” The peace of God? How could I possibly have the peace of God in this situation? I know it may be hard to believe, but I actually felt it. A deep, unalterable peace. Not something that I could achieve through perfect circumstances, because I certainly did not have those at that time! A can’t-be-explained- kind-of-peace. At that moment, I totally realized that the only one I needed to rely on was God. The only one I could totally rely on was God. He was there with me, had been there with me, and would be there with me throughout this journey. I knew I could rely on God, but perhaps I had never truly allowed myself to just fully rely on Him—no outside help from a husband, family member, or friend. In that moment, it was just God and me. And the peace that I felt came from His presence, from His love, from His comfort. I had such joy and comfort, even in the midst of uncertainty. I had “peace that transcends all understanding.”
To shorten things up, turned out that the area the doctors was interested in was unreachable through a stereotactic biopsy. So, I ended up having a surgical biopsy to remove the concerning tissue. Through both tests, I felt a calm that I can’t explain. Thanks be to our God–the area was clear! That was awesome to hear. But I have to say ladies, that the most awesome experience of this whole journey was gaining a truer knowledge and understanding of God’s presence and peace. There is no way I would have made it through this time without my Lord. He used a very stressful time in my life to show me the incredible truth that He will never leave me nor forsake me.
I pray that my story will help you along your journey. Always believe that God will meet you where you are, will love you as you are, will care for you as no one else can. Our God is amazing!
Speaking of amazing, in honor of the fact that my God is great–how about serving this to your family? They will call you a great cook. You can just smile and feel the joy of loving on your family.
Go to The Gracious Pantry for this delicious recipe!
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